DakiMakura (Body Pillows): A Nice List of Uses at Riuva : Research Institute for Unicultural Visual Arts

DakiMakura (Body Pillows): A Nice List of Uses

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Popularity: 15% [?] Published by tj_han April 25th, 2008 in Humour

Despite being the defining possession of an otaku, and having the same sort of reputation a blowup-doll has, the dakimakura is actually a versatile piece of equipment which every household could do with. According to my years of experience with Tatiana, who I purchased from local store KKnM (you can do so too! they import it from COSPA for only 50-60 dollars, cheap for the huge size of it).

Now each dakimakura cover is as expensive as a Macross transformable 1/60 Valkyrie and thus it is expected that we can afford only at best, two different covers. You wouldn’t want one only as there would be no chance for you to change it and the thing will stink of otaku meat after a while.

When Tatiana wears its Eri costume, it is now Eri.

When first obtained, the stiff body pillow, being all polyester, is a far cry from the down goose feathers, silk and other luxury pillows we normally use for our heads. It is uncomfortable, inflexible and overly large. Too large in fact, to even be used as a HUG pillow ie a bolster. The sheer diameter of the pillow makes it hard to hug, even for a 1.78m tall person like myself. But instead of disappointment, I soon found out a variety of other application for the Tatiana.

1. Conversation Starter
When guests see this fantastic piece of Japanese ingenuity in your room, they will surely ask what is it and its functions. This is when you can open up this list and quote verbatim, impressing your guests with your profound knowledge of Japan and its quirky habits. But make sure you do not show them the videos of otaku humping the pillow. Tell them you bought it for the novelty value and because it’s funny.

2. Communal Pillow?
Ran out of pillows for your guests? Having a 3some or 4some and lacking pillows for support? Fret not, because the 150 cm length of the dakimakura means you can place it horizontally on a queen-sized bed, where it can cater for the needs of at least 4 people (3 if you’re fat like otaku). Of course, being otaku, it’ll more commonly be used for an overnight stayover of fellow otaku warriors. Imagine, the camaraderie and espirit de corps of having 4 otaku brothers sleep on the same bed, with their large oily otaku heads all resting on a horizontally placed body pillow of Yakumo/Eri, WHAT A JOYOUS OCCASION.

3. Weapon of Mass Destruction in a Pillow Fight
So, people like pillow fights right? They have all these puny soft pillows, that break apart into a feathery mess as easily as a loli breaks her hymen. Bah, weak shit. When otaku go to pillow fights, we bring our trusty body pillow, named after the BODY SLAM feeling when a hapless victim is struck by it. 150 x 50 cm of pure stiff petrochemical derivative dwarfs any other weapon your opponents might possess. It’s like bringing A TREE TRUNK to a kendo meet, only a tree trunk that you can wield like Battousai. To add insult to injury, the pillow cover would be a panty-clad loli.

4. Friend
That’s right, it will actually be your FRIEND! You can talk to it all day, touch its buttocks and it will never scream and push you away like the average human female. Pity about the straight figure though.

5. Punching Bag
Dangle the dakimakura from the ceiling securely and you have an awesome punching bag. It’s perfect if you have abusive tendencies or you really have an unbearable hatred for some Japanese cartoon character girl. You can buy a Nagisa cover and beat the shit out of her for making Kyou cry. The awesome part is, the pillow won’t hurt your delicate hands unlike the evil old hard sandbag used in those gyms. (Not that we’ve ever tried hitting those, we’re otaku.)

So gentlemen, it’s time to go out and get yourself one of these Otakunic multi-functional Holy Grails of Swiss Army Knifeyness!

Popularity: 15% [?]

18 Responses to “DakiMakura (Body Pillows): A Nice List of Uses”

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1 blissmo 20 comments Apr 25th, 2008 at 2:47 pm

Wow the pillow is long
2 Ascaloth 202 comments Apr 25th, 2008 at 2:47 pm

What happens when the girlfriend comes around and sees that? :3
3 bluemist 8 comments Apr 25th, 2008 at 2:58 pm

Otaku? Girlfriend?

When your dakimakura cover is getting smelly due to otaku oil and other typical pillow abuse, please dry-clean or hang it outside to let it breathe fresh air. One advantage of hanging it outside is that dakimakura is known to dispel evil spirits when seen, especially so-called “annoying normal people”, and at the same time attracts good-spirited otaku. Therefore you will be the talk of the town.
4 The Sojourner 112 comments Apr 25th, 2008 at 3:09 pm

YES SIR! RIGHT AWAY!
5 Crusader 28 comments Apr 25th, 2008 at 5:06 pm

Hey does Nagisa come in flame retardant versions? It can also survive being thrown under an M1A2 right? Comrade Dakimakura expert…
6 Impz 41 comments Apr 25th, 2008 at 5:31 pm

Oh my. @_@;;; I will want a Tsuruya-san for fun though..

Ya, for fun.
7 DrmChsr0 191 comments Apr 25th, 2008 at 8:14 pm

You forgot burning effigy.

For those times when you really want to show your hate for a particular character.

Of course, that kind of use makes it a very expensive effigy
And of course, not forgetting the real use of it
8 TheBigN 75 comments Apr 25th, 2008 at 10:22 pm

Thank you for expanding my world on how dakimakura can be used. Best use seems to be the pillow fight. :3
9 metatron 8 comments Apr 25th, 2008 at 10:49 pm

I’M SO GETTING ONE XDDD
10 Zeroblade 163 comments Apr 26th, 2008 at 1:06 am

I prefer bluemist’s method of use - as a charm to ward away evil normal people and to draw otaku. Or at least stares.
11 G-Man 54 comments Apr 26th, 2008 at 4:56 pm

It would totally ruin my room’s decor….smh

I am G-man!
12 moe 1 comment May 6th, 2008 at 12:13 pm

i actually have yoko gurren lagan pre-time version pillow shes hot
13 Berti 1 comment May 2nd, 2010 at 8:21 pm

Hey du wircklich tollen Blog betreust du. Ich selbst habe auch vor kurzem eine eigene homepage programmiert, eine Suchmaschiene. Momentan noch zu finden auf http://beta.jerome.de . Währe nett wenn du mir berichtest was du von ihr hälst bzw. was noch doof daran ist. Ein Design kommt erst im laufe der Woche noch hinzu. Schönes Wochenende - 345zhf4
14 minisite designer 1 comment May 16th, 2010 at 8:43 am

Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anyone else expects of you. Never excuse yourself. Thank You. . . .
15 Michael Williams 1 comment Jun 23rd, 2010 at 12:24 pm

Room decors should be made from organic materials not synthetic ones as much as possible.~.`
16 Christopher Taylor 1 comment Jul 28th, 2010 at 5:01 pm

room decors in our home are usually coming from China and Thailand, we like to have some asian decors on our home.’**

1 meidocafe » Blog Archive » Kaufen mit Melonpan Pingback on Apr 26th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
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