Death Note American Movie: This is What It Needs

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Now, with the impending adaptation of yet another Japanese product to a Hollywood film, many fangirls and boys would be quaking with anger, considering the likes of Dragonball got butchered. However, I actually fully support this Death Note adaptation because of the nature of the series.

The Japanese movies, which were produced by Warner Bros Japan, were shit. They were full of Japanese pretty boys who couldn’t act and lousy CG, though because of budget and technical constraints. Mainstream Japanese movies are just trash, along with their dramas, so we can’t expect too much of them.

Hollywood, on the other hand, has produced some masterpieces when given the right staffing and money, though they also fucked up an even greater number. The key to making Death Note (USA) awesome is right here in my mind and I will show it to the world.

1. To prevent awkward pronounciations of "OZARU" and "GOKU", change the character names. Seriously, people who can’t get over an adaptation just because of name changes are fucktards. Light is a retarded English name, but L is ok. In fact, L can stand for Leroy Jenkins. Or Luke Skywalker. Since Ryuzaki was an injoke, change it to an American joke.

2. Change the setting. We’ll need some sort of metropolis with public transport and a good university, so either New York or LA would do. Too bad NY only has NYU (lol) and Light would crush those hippie ants, so LA it is. Pack him off to Stanford, instead of Todai. It makes sense now to have the FBI after him, so you have Light’s dad being an FBI officer or something. Just some minor tweaks.

3. Keep most of the battle of wits, and don’t dumb it down for the mass audience. DN is not a very deep series, and Hollywood has had far more intelligent shows, so sometimes I’m puzzled as to why studios feel the need to dumb stuff down. Alternatively, only modify the strategies if you have better ones.

4. Don’t let any token Japanese character on the show. It’ll suck if they got some Asian American with fake tits to be a goth Misa Misa. Just change Misa to a female American fangirl instead. They have plenty of fangirls over there.

5. Do not make it stretch over more than 1 movie. End it at L’s death and loss, and keep Light as the anti-hero psychopath reining over the world. People who like good endings are retards. Bad endings are what makes shows memorable.

6. You may cast Zac Efron as one of the prisoners who get killed. Do not cast him as Light or L. He isn’t evil enough and will not be evil to protect his image as Prince Charming. We need evil dudes. Speaking of which, change the character design of L, we’re sick of it. Make him some Kim Peek-styled old autistic man! YEAH! But that’ll affect sales. Oh well, I guess L being an eccentric handsome young man’ll help bring in the dough. One thing, it is ok for actors to not look like or dress like their comic counterparts. People who complain that Goku does not look like Goku, are  retarded. Looks are superficial. The acting is far more important.

See? It ain’t that difficult. I’m sure with the above 6 points in mind, we’ll end up having a 2.5 hour long movie, with nice special effects of Ryuk.

Popularity: 9% [?]

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30 Responses to “Death Note American Movie: This is What It Needs”  

  1. 1 Steven Den Beste 66 comments

    Stanford is in Palo Alto, which is near San Francisco. In LA you got UCLA, USC, and Caltech (in Pasadena), plus others.

    In NYC you have NYU, but you also have Columbia. (Picky, ain’t I?)

  2. 2 Steven Den Beste 66 comments

    Actually, that kind of mistake is easy to make from a long way away. When I grew up in Oregon, I knew that both Harvard and MIT were in Massachusetts, but that was about all I really knew about them. After I moved to the Boston area, I was surprised to learn that they’re within walking distance of each other.

    By the way, Boston would also be a good choice for a city with good mass transit and good universities.

  3. 3 tj_han 1442 comments

    Ah yes, good info there Steven. I guess us dirty foreigners cannot quite fathom the large distances the US has. It’s sort of like me thinking that if everything is in the same state, it should be pretty near but in real life, your single state can fit about 3000 of my whole countries.

  4. 4 Scamp 4 comments

    I agree for the most part except changing the name of Light. At the very least it opens the door to bucketloads of puns.

  5. 5 tj_han 1442 comments

    You would only call your son Light if you were a stupid hippie. FBI officers shouldn’t be hippies.

  6. 6 Steven Den Beste 66 comments

    Sorry for the nitpicking.

  7. 7 tj_han 1442 comments

    No offence taken, I actually googled for the location before hand but the various websites don’t really show exactly where they are so too bad.

  8. 8 omo 137 comments

    There are probably as many universities in NY as it is in LA… Get rid of “only” before you get more gaijin posting on your comments~

  9. 9 tj_han 1442 comments

    I mentioned good unis right? Or implied good/famous unis. We all know NY does not have good unis.

  10. 10 Karry 2 comments

    Dumb USians are dumb.

  11. 11 Tiny Red Man 149 comments

    I was thinking if the USA version of L would looked like some prisoner who got locked up in prison for quite sometime, it might be cool. white skin, messy brown hair, wears a gray overall suit and talks gibberish but lives in one hack of a mansion in some suburban area with Sebastian.. Just my 10 cent…

  12. 12 anon 2 comments

    Fuck this, Hollywood should remake Koizora.

  13. 13 lalalala 2 comments

    How ’bout just apply the concept of owning a Death Note and coming up with a gaiden story? Another death god decides to drop a death note in american instead.

  14. 14 Conrad 2 comments

    The live action movie Nana was quite good. But I don’t know if it is considered Japanese “mainstream”.

  15. 15 tj_han 1442 comments

    Lalala: Americans don’t need Death Note, they already have guns!!

    Conrad: It’s mainstream, considering Nana is the best selling comic.

  16. 16 Chika-Chin 1 comment

    Ergh… I already know this is going to be a disaster. =.=”

  17. 17 Lyric 1 comment

    >.>
    i say stick to the source material
    don’t stop with L’s death and let Light win, i want my second arc material god damn it, end it after 2 movies.
    and don’t change L unless you want to be mauled by rabit fan girls
    also give Matt more screen time :)
    & do not under any circumstance cast a Disney fuck tard to play anyone

  18. 18 dont-make-american-adaptions 1 comment

    THEY BETTER NOT MAKE AN AMERICAN VERSION THEY ALWAYS RUIN ORIENTAL MOVIES, THEY NOT AS GOOD WRITERS OR DIRECTORS AS JAPANESE, CHINESE AND KOREAN. THE GUY WHO WROTE Death Note American Movie: This is What It Needs IS AN IDIOT WHO KNOWS NOTHING AMERICAN FILMS DONT COMPARE TO JAPANESE THEY NEED TO STOP RUINING THESE JAPANESE CLASSICS.

  19. 19 impossible 1 comment

    If this were ever made, it should be based in Japan. I know some of the pronunciations and concepts would be wierd but making him the son of an FBI agent would be wierd when he KILLS ALL THOSE FBI AGENTS! And do you really think it deserves to be called death note if you’re changing his country, name, father,girlfriend(s), and school? And thats only what you’re changing about Light!

  20. 20 death not remake, ok by me 8D 1 comment

    they could set it in america and have mabey a japanese explain to light that shinigami are a japanese legend. like in the unborn the girl found a japanese lady who told her what the spirit thing was called and stuff like that… idk..
    i want L to be cute in a dark sort of way.. and i hope they get people who arent well known but are great actors. i think zack could pull off the evil thing, and yeah he looks a lot lke light but.. dont cast him. the true fans who mabey would have gone will not go to see a disney star.
    :)

  21. 21 jayrol 1 comment

    all of you…
    do you really know how to think??
    all i can say is the movie,anime siries and manga are for smart peoples only,,
    all of you are just some bunch of slow thinkers..SUPIDS

    BASTARDS..
    and there’s no need to change the movie niether the casts..

  22. 22 DeathReaver10 1 comment

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! They must not make an American adaption, they butchered The Ring and The Grudge. The worst part is they want to cast Zac Efron as Light, he is a complete twat. Furthermore any American remake of any classic from anywhere is completely ruined, I mean they even ruined one of the most fantastic English stories ever with their adaption of Pride and Prejudice.

    So my final comment is that please, please, please, please Americans, whatever you do, don’t remake any more classics just come up with your own stuff.

  23. 23 Anna 1 comment

    The original Anime and Manga is what made Death Note good. Changing all of this is going to make it something much different and only taking the plot, which, could turn into something successful. If they keep the original characters and plot, a lot of people wouldn’t enjoy it, they’d only think it’s strange. If they totally twist this around, I won’t even associate it with Death Note. It’ll be just some copy-cat movie.

  24. 24 Fred 1 comment

    WHY AM I HERE!!?!?!?

  25. 25 Whiteboy 2 comments

    “It’ll suck if they got some Asian American with fake tits to be a goth Misa Misa. Just change Misa to a female American fangirl instead. They have plenty of fangirls over there.”

    To the idiot who wrote this article Go back to school! You uneducated racist….
    First off an Asian American is an American since “American” is a nationality not
    a ethnicity…….So saying it’ll suck if an Asian American played the part and its be
    better if an “Amerian girl” did…Made no sense at all since “American girl” could mean
    white,black or Asian….And if you mean a White American girl by saying “American girl”
    then your either 1.failed high school 2. Ignorant and stupid or 3. a combination of 1 & 2..

    The point of making a re-make or even a live-action of a show means 1 of 2 things.
    Its popular and has a good story, and a movie could make good money since its
    popular it have a fan based, and since most of the sales are going to be from Fans, then
    they should kept it as originally as possible. Changed the story and names= pissed off fans
    and pissed off fans means poorer ticket sales due to negative publicity and word of mouth fails
    also = bad sales. example DB evolution sucks ect ect I mean if your going to changed the names
    and locations and the story then whats the point of making the movies and retaining the title???
    Might as well make a totally different movie by borrow good element from it and go from there.
    I can think of so many movies that changed shit up from the originally and it almost always bombed…
    Death Note was hugely popular in America and in Asia so obviously the “Americans fans” had no problem
    with the Japanese elements and the funky names otherwise it wouldnt be popular and generated
    enough hype for hollywood to plan making the movie right? Keep it as it is or just dont bother.
    Change the elements of it and watch it crash and burn. Movies like these do well “ONLY” if the
    FANS support it, and one thing fans hate is a unfaithful adaptation, and we seen what that does. lol
    Its bad enough we white washed every Asian movie we put our hands on, shit even I hate seeing
    whites in non-white movies and i’m 100% white! lol

  26. 26 Whiteboy 2 comments

    “It’ll suck if they got some Asian American with fake tits to be a goth Misa Misa. Just change Misa to a female American fangirl instead. They have plenty of fangirls over there.”

    First off an Asian American is an American since “American” is a nationality not
    a ethnicity…….So saying it’ll suck if an Asian American played the part and its be
    better if an “Amerian girl” did…Made no sense at all since “American girl” could mean
    white,black or Asian….And if you mean a White American girl by saying “American girl”
    then your either 1.failed high school 2. Ignorant and stupid or 3. a combination of 1 & 2..

    The point of making a re-make or even a live-action of a show means 1 of 2 things.
    Its popular and has a good story, and a movie could make good money since its
    popular it have a fan based, and since most of the sales are going to be from Fans, then
    they should kept it as originally as possible. Changed the story and names= pissed off fans
    and pissed off fans means poorer ticket sales due to negative publicity and word of mouth fails
    also = bad sales. example DB evolution sucks ect ect I mean if your going to changed the names
    and locations and the story then whats the point of making the movies and retaining the title???
    Might as well make a totally different movie by borrow good element from it and go from there.
    I can think of so many movies that changed shit up from the originally and it almost always bombed…
    Death Note was hugely popular in America and in Asia so obviously the “Americans fans” had no problem
    with the Japanese elements and the funky names otherwise it wouldnt be popular and generated
    enough hype for hollywood to plan making the movie right? Keep it as it is or just dont bother.
    Change the elements of it and watch it crash and burn. Movies like these do well “ONLY” if the
    FANS support it, and one thing fans hate is a unfaithful adaptation, and we seen what that does. lol
    Its bad enough we white washed every Asian movie we put our hands on, shit even I hate seeing
    whites in non-white movies and i’m 100% white! lol

  27. 27 Danial Kush 1 comment

    It is unbelievable! now there is a exiting way to fix your 360 RROD I just found out last thursday. Check my link posted. If it does not work try rrod-fix-pro dot com.

  28. 28 Remedios Steeb 1 comment

    I really like the Avatar 3D film, particularly the story line, not solely it brings a completely new sensation but eye opening thoughts of humanity. I heard the New Avatar 2 is comming soon, can’t wait to watch it again…!

  29. 29 Sav 1 comment

    Whoever wrote this is an idiot. It is PERFECTLY POSSIBLE to make a movie true to the book/movie/show/etc that it was based off and STILL PULL IT OFF! It’s happened many times before. Changing names and vital appearances and characters is a sure way to piss off fans and turn it into a typical Hollywood-piece-of-shit. Sure, Hollywood’s made masterpieces, but it doesn’t depend on Hollywood, now does it? It depends on the directors, screenwriters, producers, and actors. THEY are the only ones who make any movie out to be what they really are.

    …And this whole article was some of the worst ideas for ‘What it needs’ that I’ve ever heard. I read the script already, and they pretty much did everything you had stated in this article. Therefore the script was a sad, disgrace to Death Note.

  30. 30 Date Asian Women 1 comment

    I have to say, it is amazing to me how many guys I’m friends with who are going out with Asian women. I’ll confess that I do find some Asian women to be very pretty, but what do you think the attraction is really about? Why do some white guys only go out with Asian women…can someone explain to me why so many guys have this preference?

Do not use any < and > for your own sake. It will end the comment there and then. Also, there is an automatic IQ filter which weeds out comments made by those who accidentally got transported from the stone age.

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