Top 5 Cool Things that Anime Bloggers Must Do (June 09 Edition)
(11 votes, average: 3.45 out of 5)
Loading ...We all know humans are sheep and sheep are cool, so to be human you must be cool, and as a special breed of human known as the Anime blogger, your coolness needs to be upped to the maximum, to facilitate the electronic penis growth. But how? Fret not, in just a short 15 minute post written at 4.49 am, I shall teach you how!
1. Always flame the most popular thing on the market at the moment, and then you will be cool.
Although we are sheep, we don’t like to be just any old sheep that blends into the flock. Hence we must be counter-sheep, and we start our own flocks. How best to do this than to utilise Newton’s law and harness the opposite forces? In other words, hate on K-On really badly! Flame Naruto! Speak ill of all the shows you loved before they got too popular to like! A quick search online, however, shows that almost every anime blogger now hates K-On, OMG! How now? The trick is to go even further, and counter those counter-culture sheep by being a counter-counter-culture sheep, in other words, praise K-On! And repeat if you garner enough support.
2. Always watch the shows that nobody watches, and praise them, in order to praise yourself.
This is a tactic popularised by Baka-raptor and some of the other episodic bloggers. To be a special blogger, you need to watch shows that nobody watches, to show that you have unique perspectives. Even if the show utterly sucks, like Akikan. Mind you, nobody watches more than me because I watch everything except shoujo and yaoi, even the English unsubbed series that most people have yet to hear of. So I am best blogger. Anyway, most people should just pick a few shows they don’t like and are not popular, and then start watching them, through gritted teeth, and make obscure jokes relating to these shows. This will get the crowd in awe of your l33t anime hunting skills, which will be seen as cool.
3. Always talk about deleting people from your blogroll as you have outgrown their importance.
Yes, nothing stirs up your fanbase more than threatening to cut off their precious traffic. Even if you aren’t actually generating any traffic. Once again, Bakaraptor is the one who has put this action in the spotlight, by hinting that he will be beating out anyway who does not suck him and worship him. This promptly causes a tsunami of bootlicking from his loyal fans, which will now show the other viewers how important he is.
4. Do not allow comments on your blog but make sure to leave hints that you are extremely well-educated and successful in life and do not need to listen to the shit spewed by 12 year olds online.
One might think Aninouto is most guilty of this, and it is true, but there are plenty of other blogs who do it. And it bloody works, cos they are cool. Everyone visits Aninouto and secretly hopes they get on the site somehow. Other bloggers also live in fear of being impaled by the sharp sniper swordpen of Aninouto, and thus will keep themselves in line. Snipers are cool, everyone uses them in every game. So online word snipers are cool too.
5. Name drop. You ought to mention which great VIP you’ve met in real life or online, and who knows your awesomeness, such that people identify you as one of the upper crust bloggers.
I’ll give you an example, since this might be a difficult tip to follow. Here goes, "I went to kino and met up with Uematsu, my good friend from college, who introduced me to Danny Choo, the so-called king of Otaku bloggers. He and I had a beer and went to watch some baseball in Tokyo." The best part is, it works even with middle-class bloggers, sort of like "Well, Jpmeyer and Hinano urged me to battle Scott with them together, but I had to decline as Impz was having a tennis match with me." It’s all just to show that in your active social life, you get to mix with hip people. You might wonder why anime otaku are hip, but trust me, everyone thinks writing on the internet about anime on forums are gay, but if you do so on your own blog, you’re cool.
Yeah so if you do the above 5 things, you’ll be real cool and unique.
Popularity: 10% [?]
33 Responses to “Top 5 Cool Things that Anime Bloggers Must Do (June 09 Edition)”
- 1 Pingback on Jun 29th, 2009 at 1:38 am
Do not use any < and > for your own sake. It will end the comment there and then. Also, there is an automatic IQ filter which weeds out comments made by those who accidentally got transported from the stone age.
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You got me there.
6. Display J-List ads for “Super Hentai Game with Futanari”
7. Never change your polls
8. Preemptively apologize for half-assed posts
9. Name drop without linking so nobody knows who you’re talking about
10. Write about Baka-Raptor
hmm….interesting
I’m so uncool.
I concur with Raptor’s 6-10
I’m getting a little tired of your schtick griping about anime blogging.
Your clever satire bemoaning the failures of other blogs, the superiority of your own –in other posts–, and all the dorama that accompanies seems like an attempt to create dorama of your own.
These jabs aren’t what make you a compelling writer.
You’re a funny guy and I enjoy your work; stick with blogging news and reviews!
“The trick is to go even further, and counter those counter-culture sheep by being a counter-counter-culture sheep, in other words, praise K-On! And repeat if you garner enough support.”
Why can’t we just go meta and just counter the people being counter-culture sheep themselves?
I do none of those things… I guess I’m in ghostlightning’s camp then.
Kip: Are you serious ? Because you’re in no position to try to give lessons since you work for a website whose sole purpose is to make as much cash as possible by publishing any kind of bullshit to take the money from the retards who follow you.
You exploit the human misery !
And you’d better tell your boss to be careful because Play-asia is watching his work very closely.
you need to follow the antimeta by trolliing the counter counter counter counter sheep who follows the current meta……
@ point number 1
I find it so very weird that I feel almost alone in the blogosphere in praising the most popular show airing this season… that doesn’t even make sense! Damn haters.
@ Baka-Raptor
Nice comeback!
Oh woe, I am totally uncool. FML.
some of the things mentioned made me think of double.
Other than JP and Hinano, I have no idea who all the other names are. Please leave your room.
tsundere for Baka-Raptor.
Haha! I love this post! LOLz
However, I’m one of the uncool people. Ehehehe~
I diss K-ON! because it’s uber cool to do so. There’s no way I can hate a horrifying mix of moe and crappy music, can I?
u mad?
Bakaraptor, I don’t link to people not because I don’t want to, but somehow my wordpress is spoilt and screws up all hyperlinks. And I haven’t gotten down to fix it. I only mention the more famous people so I’m sure everyone knows the names I drop. If not they need to level up.
Sapphire Pyro: You do realise we’re all uncool here.
Omisymth: Indeed, I lovingly read his blog as well. It’s quite good and probably one of the better anime blogs out there, but it’s too easy a target for such posts, and see the point above where you need a nice name.
Low on hit Points: Dude, naruto is most popular and everyone hates it. K-on is not very good but it’s not that bad either, the problem is with expectation and waste of resources, which is always the problem with Kyoani and everyone’s jealous of their fancy animation wasted on stupid shows, when great shows suffer from budget issues.
Kip: Hey, I didn’t know you wrote for Sankaku. I thought it was only Artefact, but then again, I only look at the pictures. Also, I think idol and gravure pictures are dirty and demeaning to women, but I hypocritically look at them anyway. I like to review, in fact I just reviewed the blogosphere recently.
Bakaraptor: Actually, you awesome so when I was thinking of stuff to write about regarding this topic, it appears that I couldn’t get away from the wonderful things you do. I am tsundere for you. Also, people love futanari or mitsunari.
11. Be an internet tabloid. Misrepresent all the facts, post softcore and hardcore porn, and generally milk the idiots who don’t want to think.
Oh wait, I just described Sankaku Complex.
12. Make Baka-Raptor write for you.
@ tj: I am a contributor. He’s the boss and the biggest contributor of us all.
Anyway, Danny and Angry Mimi seemed to take a shining to your “Otaku are retarded sissies…” when Melonpan went off the deep, so at least others do appreciate your analysis of the créature de otaku.
@Rush: You’re talking two separate things entirely.
Go back to the real world TJ. We all know that your blogging ideas are dead & buried lol. P.S. The scott thing is so last year.
The most remarkable aspect of anime blogging is that 80% of the people who visit those blogs are bloggers themselves. It’s a truly unique economic model…creating stuff that you can only ’sell’ to your ‘competitors’. So the coolest thing is without a doubt the ability of the anime blogger to get a sense of fulfillment by talking to themselves.
Hinano, didn’t i just see a comic drawn by you flaming scott? Unless it’s some other guy.
Kip: who is this angry mimi? The thing is, I’m sure most of us hate the moe-2D-philic otaku who give us anime/manga readers who are generally normal, a bad name. I’ll leave that for another post another day.
GGL: It’s not exactly true. While a sizeable portion of those who comment are bloggers, most of the lurkers are normally readers. We know because we once did a post where many lurkers just made a comment to show their presence.
lurk.
lurk lurk.
I’m mega uncool for living half a world away from each of the hip bloggers ^__^
@Soshi
I feel like a loser for knowing your reference.
Hah, I swear #4 is a typical LJ move. But then again most of these sound like typical LJ dramabait.
But #2 makes total sense.
TJHan is pretty cool guy, gives sound advice and doesn’t afraid of anything.
So I heard that Mecha Mote Iinchou is pretty good.
Warning, incoming rant about blogging. Feel free to skip.
(*steps up on soapbox*)
Most bloggers actually write what they think their public expects. In the anime blogosphere, the whole “disliking popular series” deal is just a symptom of that.
Since anime (both in Japan and in America) is a counterculture, most of the people interested in it will go for the underdog. Fine by me. But there’s a very common pitfall: the “indie syndrome”. Don’t get me wrong here, seeking unknown works is good, It’s curiosity in action. But seeking them to loathe the more “mainstream” ones is as bad as not seeking anything. Whatever angle you look mat it, you’re limiting your intellectual viewpoint.
Which brings me to my other point. The blogosphere — whether it’s about anime or anything else — needs to be much more honest about itself. Do you really hate — let’s say — K-On that much, or is that snarky remark what your audience expects? It’s the whole media conundrum all over again: do you choose to cater to the mass by adapting your message, or do you hope to attract a niche public by being relevant?
Most bloggers (and most media, mind you) will choose the former, consciously or not. It’s a lot easier to do. You don’t need expertise in the domain you cover, nor do you need to be overly rigorous. There’s a big danger though: becoming one of the many people twittering about whatever will please the public, losing any relevance in the process.
Look at the proeminent blogs in most fields. Know why they’re relevant? They either provide original content, or express an original point-of-view, with logical reasoning and intellectual rigor. What’s interesting is not the point of view, but what leads to it.
Aspirant bloggers — especially in the anime community — need to learn from that.
(*steps down from soapbox*)
@ AK
i c wat u did thar