Are You an Otaku Girlfriend? Get HAWTER in 10 Different Ways! at Riuva : Research Institute for Unicultural Visual Arts

Are You an Otaku Girlfriend? Get HAWTER in 10 Different Ways!

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Popularity: 14% [?] Published by tj_han July 14th, 2006 in Culture

"Damn real life girls suck", many otaku think. Notably Satou of the NHK. So RIUVA will remedy this situation by providing fashion tips(sort of, it’s a bit general though) for girls who want to impress their manly (perhaps slightly otaku) boyfriends/husbands. Try it out and email us the results! Save your game first though so you can load it if anything goes wrong…

As for the guys, do it to them and take pictures. Then send it over.

Get Hawter with these ten ways!

Become machine hybrids a la Mecha Musume. What’s better than both girls and mecha? A mecha girl of course. Try to have a theme, such as World War II vehicles but find out what the boyfriend likes first. No point becoming a Mustang P-51 hybrid if your otaku boy likes KOS-MOS.

Russian girls should go for their country’s planes? Hinano you there?

What’s better than Rei and Eva? Eva Rei.

I can’t wait for Strike Witches.

This is one of the Bell reverse wing aircraft I think. No actually it’s just a hot girl.

Get an Ahoge. Ahoges are not only symbols of innocence, but appeal to the Moe side of the damn Otaku. Personally I have tried it and it works. The trick is to use this new-fangled sophisticated bonding technology known as hairwax. Stick the wax at the base and the tip of desired ahoge - the base to make the clump stand and the tip to sharpen it. The middle should be free of any chemical for it should have uninhibited range of movement yet still have a curve due to the added weight of the tip wax.

Innocent ahoge.

Moe ahoge.

Dynamic Ahoge.

Stripey this is for you! Would Luna be as popular as she is without the antennae?

Cease the over-rated movements known as facial expression. The hottest anime girls are those who have poker faces and speak in a monotone voice. Read: Yuki, Rei, Hoshino Ruri, Vanilla H etc. Otaku with their amazing ability to read the minds of silent lolis, will now be able to comprehend exactly what’s in your mind.

Rei is queen of null expression.

There’s a reason why people buy 1:1 scale dolls of Ruri ruri.

Our newest silent star!

Equip a unique weapon. Girls with weapons are cool and dangerous. They also require less protection (damn Otaku can’t protect anything). Crowd favourites are katanas, dual pistols, magical staffs but let’s go beyond these common items. I recommend anything that’s uncommonly large or small, or has a distinct shape or purpose. Like Dokuro-chan’s Excaliborg, Saya’s katana, Meg’s anti-tank gun and RIder’s dual chainish things. Things to avoid: Poorly-designed katana (Shana), western broadswords, single derringers (if you must, be a Meryl and have 100 of them) and unrealistic pisols. Follow the example of the Coyote 12 sisters and you won’t go wrong.

My official favourite sword: Saya’s bent katana.

Big guns = more beauty.

Ciel’s triple swords etc are hot too.

Handcannons are cool too.

Pick a hairstyle from one of these: Uber-long straight flowing smooth hair, twin tails, asymmetrical floppy fringe and ponytail. Warning: All will fail if you have dry, dull hay instead of the expected shiny glossy infinitely flexible anime ones. Ponytails especially are expected to transform into long straight flowing smooth hair at the slightest hint of action, and leaving no trace of it ever being a ponytail. That means, no bents hairs. Fringes should ideally be uniformly straight or tapered such that the tips of individual bangs are sharp.

Twin tailed Pachira.

Long hair is undoubtedly the best but maintenance is a bitch.

Compare and contrast: Long hair vs asymmetrical short

Twin tails Nao.

Combining hair with weapon breaks limits. Jingai Makyo btw.

Develop a chibi-face. You have to transform into the chibi mode during humorous situations or when faced with stress. This is plain cute and lovable. Who doesn’t like chibi? Note that chibi modes do not have fingers and toes, so make sure not to overlook this detail.

OOH!!

YEAHH!!!

AAHHH!!

Have a rival or partner. It’s quite the symbiotic relationship since it’ll make both of you hotter. Try finding one with a contrasting personality or appearance, so both parties’ good qualities will shine through. After all, otaku are so deep they look at your attributes more than your looks. Lol. Actually it’s just for a threesome fantasy.

Would Yoruichi be popular without Soi Fong? No.

Would Yakumo be anything more than a side chara without Eri? No.

Play a musical instrument. This works even for non-otaku. Actually, to hell with playing it, just hold the damn thing and prance around striking poses while the hi-fi blares anime music. Music is classy. Modify the instrument according to the image you wish to portray. If it’s a grunge look you’re after, try the bass or drums. Guitars are passe because too many people pretend to play it. Unless you can solo like Yuki of course. Drum girls are hot because they project a tsundere image, as they pound the skins of the instrument. Bass girls are backgroundish, much like silent lolis. Check up the guy’s preference before deciding which instrument you’ll accessorise. The Ojou-lover’s girlfriend must take the violin or piano btw. A genki lover’s choice would be the trumpet while a mature sexy lady uses the cello. Why cello? Because your legs are spread.

That says it all.

Bass! Ever since School of Rock, I’ve known that girls + bass = hot. Even though most just play one note.

Water is your best friend. It’s the ultimate accessory. It not only has the hydrogen bonds to make your fringe pointy, but can also instil a sense of moe when you "accidentally" douse yourself with it. Drops of the universal solvent at choices locations also mimick a sweaty, mid-orgasmic state. It’s also essential if you want to try out the Yamato Nadeshiko mode - water is used in housework. Finally, would we have swimsuits without water? Tip: Bored of water? Try milk for twice the effect.

I love rain.

Water is elegant, all natural and cleanses us.

In this sense, the H2O is an aphrodisiac.

Sweat is sexy.

FInally, you must have an accompanying spirit/vehicle/guardian. This is easy. It can be a pet dog (damn I hate dogs, cats rule), a Ferrari Enzo, a walking suit of armour, whatever. Nothing beats expressing individuality more than having a moving accessory. Better still, ride it! You can’t go wrong when riding something. First, there’s the spread-leg thingy I talked about. More importantly, it shows a sense of control - you know what you are doing. There’s the whole "I won’t be lonely without you cos I have this" vibe that’s rather attractive as well.

This is an amazing combo picture. It has a lot of the elements listed above.

So is this.

Actually I thought of one more. HEADPHONESSSSSSSSS!!!!! But it’s pretty much for me and a few others only.

Popularity: 14% [?]

26 Responses to “Are You an Otaku Girlfriend? Get HAWTER in 10 Different Ways!”

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1 Kurogane 125 comments Jul 14th, 2006 at 8:15 pm

Great tips, tj!

Now, I only need to find a the person that should be doing this. According to some people though, it might be a bit hard to do it as they all say they I won’t be able to find such person even in the remote tundras.

(extra points for those who gets the reference)
2 TL-chan 3 comments Jul 14th, 2006 at 8:33 pm

If I ever get an otaku boyfriend (or a boyfriend for that matter) I will give these things a try… the possible ones anyway. I’d rather not fuse my body with a machine.

Very funny list.
3 tj_han 1442 comments Jul 14th, 2006 at 8:40 pm

Can I be your otaku boyfriend? Damn I forgot I’m not one.

Btw I have actually done some of the things above in an attempt to look cool. It actually works.

I did the ahoge one after I watched Pani Poni. It looked good.

In my school days, I used to carry an electric bass or guitar around without the case.

I frequently use water to sharpen my fringe for that anime look.

And even further back, I used to act all cold and emotionless, with monosyllabic answers and distant looks. HAHAH. That was back when I was a 15 year old.
4 Hinano 112 comments Jul 14th, 2006 at 9:21 pm

ROFL my boyfriend is a guitar otaku not an anime otaku
So uhm I dun think any of this works on him although he’s okay with anything I guess cause I’m just so naturally hot xD
the russian thing wouldnt work anyway though, mostly because he’s Chinese lmaooo.
oh well at Otakon I’ll be a nun with a gun so we’ll see what happens
5 shiachan 57 comments Jul 14th, 2006 at 9:32 pm

great read, what probably would make my day is the water is the universal solvent long hair and silent , preferbly one cute one with long hair and with a raising heart but then again , its fantasy -.-
6 Alvin 45 comments Jul 14th, 2006 at 9:36 pm

Yohooo .. ahoge are hot! …

U really drew up a definite list man ….

How abt the cute moe voices that made characters like shana so irresitible …

But for me .. the silent type of Yakumo or Nagato really makes me melt ….
7 tj_han 1442 comments Jul 14th, 2006 at 9:43 pm

NOOOO I FORGOT YAKUMO IN THE SILENT portion. Damnnnn. I had a lot of good pics of her too.

Shia: If you think it’s fantasy, it will remain just that. The point of this post is, it’s doable in real life. Just follow this list. GOGO.

Hinano: The thing about cosplay in the US is, you can cheat by just buying the damn guns. Or other weapons. This is one reason why Singapore cosplayers have the ugliest weapons. We have to make it by hand. Even airguns are banned here, as are knives above a certain length.

Alvin: Characters in real life who talk like that are the most annoying. But I sure wouldn’t mind Noto Mamiko, Horie Yui, Kanazawa Hana or Orikasa Fumiko.
8 j.valdez 8 comments Jul 14th, 2006 at 9:53 pm

To all the girls/women, your otaku boyfriend is lucky to have a girlfriend in the first place. Although, the ahoge couldn’t hurt.
9 Hinano 112 comments Jul 14th, 2006 at 9:56 pm

Well its not a real guy its a toy gun, they dont even allow orange tip toy guns over there? Boy your country is strict :X So what do you make guns out of? Paper mache? Clay?
10 Skane 57 comments Jul 14th, 2006 at 10:06 pm

We make guns out of ‘Desperation’.

I kid, I kid. On the bright side, every able-bodied male over here has some firearms experience.
11 Hung 18 comments Jul 14th, 2006 at 11:03 pm

I used to carry my trumpet flight case on my back walking around at my university. I never got any babes with that, though. I bet a tennis racket would work better.
12 jpmeyer 101 comments Jul 14th, 2006 at 11:35 pm

Have you figured out how to make an ahoge that spins around like a helicopter?
13 tj_han 1442 comments Jul 14th, 2006 at 11:50 pm

JP: It’s easy. Ok I’ll do that for real and take a video of it.

Hung: Guys with trumpets are…. not as cool as genki girls with trumpets. The problem with tennis racquets are, someone may just challenge you. Then you’re screwed.
14 Tsubaki 519 comments Jul 15th, 2006 at 12:27 am

Headphone girls are still the best after all.
15 DrmChsr0 191 comments Jul 15th, 2006 at 12:35 am

Izzat Rider humping that motorcycle?
16 Carl 3 comments Jul 15th, 2006 at 12:56 am

Headphone musumes for the win.

One day I’ll find a pic of Misuzu wearing headphones. One day…
17 Stripey 45 comments Jul 15th, 2006 at 1:44 am

Watch me pluck out all of Luna-figures’ ahoge before handing them over to Zyl.. LOL!

My significant half is dangerous enough unarmed (she did a Zanadine Zidane on me before and I have her headprint to show for it), I can’t imagine equipping her with a 5 Durian of instant annihilation.

Great post btw.
18 tj_han 1442 comments Jul 15th, 2006 at 2:51 am

LOL that’s a good idea. And I realised I wrote Stripe in the caption when I meant Zyl. Stripey’s the one who can actually stomach Chokotto Sister right?

And your wife is tsundere. How nice. But why would she headbutt you?
19 Stripey 45 comments Jul 15th, 2006 at 9:38 am

Well, I can’t remember… was it when I suggested the meido outift as one of our changes for the wedding photo shoot? Or the time I asked her to call me “Nii-san..” hmmm…
20 Haesslich 18 comments Jul 17th, 2006 at 1:28 am

You forgot one thing - part of the reason people like Ciel is because she dresses like a stripper who’s stage costume is that of a nun. That, and the slightly callous attitude towards killing she has seems to draw fans in like flies; this also applies to Ryouko of Melancholy of Haruhi Suzimiya, Shana of Shakugan no Shana, Rider of Fate/Stay Night (that and the knife-licking probably won a few fans), among other series.
21 Zyl 24 comments Jul 17th, 2006 at 4:27 am

Stripey this is for you!

T_T *hau hau*

Watch me pluck out all of Luna-figures’ ahoge before handing them over to Zyl.. LOL!

Eeh Stripey, you never die before izzit?
22 Tess 16 comments Jul 17th, 2006 at 2:37 pm

Quite doubt I’ll ever have an otaku boyfriend… or at least someone who’s interested in all things moe. Maybe it’s because I’m more interested in moe, but too bad I’d never be lucky enough to find a cute lesbian (she’d have to like me too, what are the chances of that) I’d like to force to be moe. And if I ever go out with a guy he has to be feminine, in a good way (I know some scary feminine guys).

Not to mention the only thing on the list I could accomplish is hair. I wish my hair would grow faster, but I guess it’s long enough right now. Also the water thing is easy, though I probably would never purposely use it. Unless it’s raining outside. As for instruments, I like ojou-sama and I’ve learned some violin, plus I’d like to learn piano (though more on the keyboard side) one day.

Why do I say such meaningless things I wonder. Not to mention I sound like a lesbian… >__>
23 Neohybrid_kai 18 comments Jul 18th, 2006 at 5:48 pm

Great tips LOL Ur blog really is a research insitute XD
And since I’m a big fans of Saikano, I would say that the first tips hits the mark ^ ^
Gotta experience with that ahoge things too ^ ^
And what is the best weapon for a girl? I’d say Rena-chama’s machette or Kaede-chan’s boxcutter XD
24 Erika 1 comment Feb 12th, 2010 at 8:26 am

Do you have any tips for a short-haired girls?

Do not use any < and > for your own sake. It will end the comment there and then. Also, there is an automatic IQ filter which weeds out comments made by those who accidentally got transported from the stone age.

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