NSFW Figure Review: Gothloli Kanu with a Big Serving of Titty

I haven’t been particularly well emotionally, which makes for bad writing. Some people work better when mildly insane (Nash, Anno, Beethoven, Tsubaki) but others’ work suffers along with their mental health. What has been causing this emo tj han? It’s the UMIZARU manga, that’s what! Plus Zegapain’s ending. Too much good emo stuff makes one very jaded with real life.

Anyway, I’ll just do a quick run-through of this figure, Goth loli Kanu Unchou from Ikkitousen. Orchid Seed’s the maker, and their style is OPPAI aka boobies. Unlike most Ikkitousen figures, this does not have a weapon of any sort. Except milkshooters. With a price of 6800 yen, this 1/8 figure comes with a large black base printed with rose patterns.

The Good

  1. Goth Loli is always welcome. Wearing a very lowcut top to spill ample chestcrack, Kanu is also in goth-style dress complete with garters and boots. The clothes are detailed and frilly.
  2. There isn’t much colour detail but everything is decently painted with little flaw. The clothing especially is quite comparable to Alter’s Dark Saber but not quite as perfect.
  3. The bit covering her chest is removable. No silly interchangeable parts, just good old stripping! That also means you can downblouse her.
  4. Her pose has her on all fours, which means there’s no requirement for an attached base or leaning.
  5. She has titties and nipples. Pointy ones too. Her removable chest piece has inverted nipple pits to slot her nipples in.
  6. The base is simple and elegant. The flower patterns break up the slightly plain feel of this figure.

The Bad

  1. Her hair sucks. The colour is flat and boring and her fringe obscures her face. I hate it when that happens because it makes photography difficult. Sometimes, face-covering fringes are a good idea as it adds a sense of mystery but the application must be right. You have to leave enough distance between the fringe and the face, so no shadow is cast. A good example is Alter Rei.
  2. Her long hair curls to the front and rests on the ground. This soft PVC can be easily bent, so you’ll have to watch out.
  3. Kanu’s face is rather plasticky and toylike. She’s just staring straight ahead like a bootleg figure. A far cry from other high quality figures I possess.
  4. Her pose is vulgar. It just screams "DOGGY STYLE!". We don’t like our figures naturally vulgar. Men hate sluts but love making nice girls sluts.
  5. Her removable chest piece does not look natural. Its shape follows her chest way too much. It’s supposed to leave an approximately triangular shaped space for the cleavage, but instead fills up all the space. This is a design mistake that arose because the sculptor is a n00b at women’s clothing.
  6. For underwear, she’s in a thong. This is very sick especially because the lines aren’t well painted. But the biggest problem this figure has is…
  7. Her skin tone is awful. It’s like those paintings done by white colonists depicting the "yellow monkeys" they conquered and made slaves of. I’ve adjusted the colour of the pictures to look less yellow really.
  8. The skin problem is bad enough for her face and chest, but her thighs and hips are so yellow, it’s exactly like a woman in labour at a hospital who have their groin areas smeared with large amounts of iodine and this is about the sickest thing in life. I saw it in a video and it disturbed me more than splattered organs. Anyway, Kanu’s posture contributes to the childbirth image.

Verdict
As you can see, I do not really like this figure at all. The gimmick is strongly attractive, but that alone does not cover up for the shitty skin colour, the bad hairdo and the vulgar posture. And boobies are holy organs that give out the elixir of life. So let’s respect that by staring hard. Since penises share the same purpose (albeit a more concentrated and sticky elixir), we should also stare hard at those and applaud their tireless work which made Mankind stand at the apex of the natural world.

For the high price of 6800 yen, this is one big sham. Avoid Orchid Seed as much as you can. I’m still waiting for the soft titty technology to be passed on to the higher range figurine manufacturers. Once again, let me remind you that these pictures are picked out of about 60, most of which show her ugly side. The selected pictures are then colour-treated and touched up before it reaches your eyes. There are far better Ikkitousen figures out there so skip this.


This is the vulgar view I was talking about. I de-yellowed her ass already so it looks ok now.


This is what I mean by hair bending upwards.


Her top is unnaturally sucked into her cleavage. I prefer a looser one that would show more boob.
 


Downblouse.


Do note that I dodged her face a lot to remove the shadows. But I bet you aren’t looking at her face.


Quite good nipple sculpts.


You can see some problems from here but that’s just nit-picking. A real problem is the dust that accumulates in the valley.
 

She’s giving birth!

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