A Study on the Various Subspecies of Otaku
(3 votes, average: 5 out of 5)
Loading ...Considering ALL of us here are otaku (yes watching Japanese cartoons makes you a nerd no matter how great their "storyline" is), there must be a great many type of otaku around. Let us attempt to classify these mythical beasts into recognisable subspecies, so we can form little herds at parties and not encroach on each others’ territories. Oh, party and otaku is like… land and fish. Unless the word "LAN" precedes "party".
Sub Species: moeOtaku
Habitat: Akiba, Japan boasts the highest population density of these unruly creatures. But through the broadcast of mind-control culture over p2p and bit torrent, the population has grown outside of the island nation, to far-reaching places like Singapore, USA, UK and even Lebanon.
Biological Niche: Hangs out at home, away from predators such as girls (who’ll attack their self-esteem) and men (who’ll steal their money and smash their balls)
Population: Growing at an exponantial rate due to hormones such as Haruhi. They fuel 65.14% of the Japanese anime economy. Their purchasing power is immense due to a devil-may-care attitude towards savings, food and other perceived non-necessities.
Morphological Features: moeOtaku is the common stereotype of an anime fan. These are the "ugly" nerds featured on TV and videos portraying the Japanese otaku since the visual impact is far greater. It’s just like how African Americans are always Gangsters and Rappers while Chinese all know Kung Fu. moeOtaku wear t-shirts emblazoned with their favourite icons like Nekomimi but do not bother to wash them. Their collars are always loose and overstretched. All moeOtaku are male but not homosexual.
Diet: Food is sometimes ingested but diet mostly consists of Moe-staples like Shakugan no Shana, Haruhi, To Heart and Eroge.
Habits: moeOtaku love to decorate their nests with the latest figures, posters and other merchandise of the moe kind. But contrary to most animals who do likewise, this is not to attract mates but rather boost their credibility to fellow moeOtaku. Like peacocks, they also strut around in the latest otaku apparel such as keyholders and handphone straps dangling all over the place. They communicate via moe-music played through handphones. Excess protein is dispensed via a unique pumping motion.
moeOtakus in a social gathering
Sub Species: Troll
Habitat: Worldwide, wherever there are fresh supplies of the Internet.
Biological Niche: These aggressive beasts have evolved to attack their prey through the Internet. They stay in the safety of their homes, in front of their computer screens and away from predators. The Troll is mainly an opportunistic feeder and a scavenger, very low down the food chain.
Population: The growth rate and evolution cycles are very quick, confounding most researchers. It has been suggested that the "internet" is a mutagen which transforms harmless critters into Trolls, hence explaining the rampant breakout of Troll populations in developed nations such as America.
Morphological Features: A devilish smile which is never shown to anyone or thing besides the computer monitor. Slimy hands which are a result of hyperactive sweat glands overstimulated by the pleasure of attacking cyberspace. Pale complexion often mistaken as an albino phenotype but this is purely due to their nocturnal habits.
Diet: Finger food and other instant products that can be conveniently consumed while in front of the Internet.
Habits: Does not emerge from the nest. Does not reproduce via mating, but instead through cyberspores transmitted via the Internet. Excess protein is dispensed via a unique pumping motion.
A troll with his computer snatched away.
Sub Species: Fat Yaoi FanGirl (FYG)
Habitat: East Asia and North America
Biological Niche: They rule the great plains of North America and Asia through sheer strength of numbers when the festive season (conventions) begins. They are the top of the food chain when formed up in a social group called the "Stampede". Predators only strike the FYG when they are isolated from the Stampede. Even then, a full grown one is difficult to take down. With the lack of predators and ample feeding material, the FYG has great room to roam.
Population: Relatively stable increase. Not undergoing a giant population boom in the foreseeable future.
Morphological Features: There are three main features of a FYG. Their sheer mass rumbles the crust of the Earth. Their shrill screams pierce through the noisiest environments and deafen non-FYG fauna. It is said that their large chests have been evolved in conjunction with this screaming ability, for the large lung capacity is the key sustainer of the sound. They also have a "Hive" mentality like the Zerg, in which every single FYG has uniformity of thought. All FYGs are female and some are able to mate. But offspring produced may not carry the FYG genes.
Diet: They froth from the mouth with Berserker Madness when presented with an opportunity to feast on "Yaoi" (gay artistic porn). Male Idols, pretty boys and imaginary gay relationships with very straight men are also palatable to these wonderous large animals.
Habits: They stake their territory against lesser subspecies like the moeOtaku through a variety of methods. The warstomp, an earth-shaking stamp on the land, is done to warn others of her aggressive intent. It is also not uncommon for these creatures to use their main weapon, mass, like Shaquille O’Neal, to shoulder charge for space in a crowded area. Small animals, stay away from these hulking beasts.
The death of Danbooru has made my image searches a lot weaker. But this is a FYG.
Sub Species: Closetnerd
Habitat: Worldwide
Biological Niche: They are the masters of camouflage. They are everywhere but nowhere. Closetnerds masquerade as normal people and get away with it most of the time. They do not have predators but are quite isolated, solitary creatures.
Population: Unknown
Morphological Features: Looks like a regular person on the street. May even be "fashionable". May be either male or female and can breed widely.
Diet: A wide feeder, ranging from Yaoi to Moe and Mecha.
Habits: Pained existence. They are unable to join any social group and unleash their true nerdness. Luckily, Closetnerds may evolve to any of the other types of nerds when properly exposed.
Can you spot which ones are the Closetnerds? Neither can I.
Sub Species: Narutard
Habitat: North America
Biological Niche: For supposed "ninjas", they do not possess any stealth at all. Hunted down by all other sub species of Otaku, these are the lowest and most primitive life forms in the North American biosphere. They however, mistakenly think of themselves as "Konoha Ninjas", an elite class of warriors with abilities of the super natural. This is not true and often results in their defeat by other otaku.
Population: Experienced a huge surge in population after the advent of the "Naruto" series. Recently stagnated growth due to "fillers".
Morphological Features: May appear in two forms, the orthodox Narutard or the more recent evolution, "Bleachbitch". The latters are Narutards who have evolved slightly. Bleachbitches detest Narutards and look upon them with disdain. Narutards always sport a ninja headband on their bodies. They have nimble fingers from mimicking the ninja handseals. Female and Male, sometimes at the same time.
Diet: Naruto ramen, Yaoi fan fics of Naruto and Sasuke and doujin of Temari getting raped by Shikamaru.
Habits: They attempt to solve every single problem with the shout, "RASENGAN!!!" and corresponding hand action. For Bleach Bitches, the equivalent is "BANKAIII!!!!!". For example, if a Narutard runs out of money at the gift store, he shouts, "RASENGAN!!". Other habits include a delusional insistence that Naruto is the best anime ever created in the history of the Universe.
An example of a higher level Narutard.
Sub Species: Lolita
Habitat: Japan, Europe and North America
Biological Niche: They don the haute couture of the Otakudom and are generally considered the Apex females. Hunted by most other male otakus without much success. The only organism capable of stopping a FYG stampede.
Population: Numbers are few because it is very difficult to purchase and equip the items necessary to a Lolita. Unlike other subspecies, a lolita must have the best body and face to go along with their clothes, if not they’ll be dumped into the other sub species of Fauxloli.
Morphological Features: Extremely attractive to all males and females. Fashionable and vain, these females are the equivalent of Elfs from Middle Earth. But most male otakus are unable to judge if these are real Lolitas or Fauxloli due to a lack of fashion aesthetics judging capability.
Diet: Nothing but the best lolita clothes, preferably from famous brands.
Habits: Due to their high maintenance, Lolitas are generally snobby and catty females who look upon the rest of mankind as teabags. Used ones. They also tear the subspecies Fauxloli, asunder with their sharp claws and evil words.
These are probably real Lolita because they are in a magazine.
Sub Species: Fauxloli
Habitat: Everywhere the Lolita exists.
Biological Niche: Failed transformations of Lolitas. They are cruelly abused by their masters, the Lolitas. A damned existence.
Population: A few times as many as the Lolitas.
Morphological Features: Wears cheap, off the shelf, mass produced lolita costumes which are either ill-fitting or just bad looking. Sometimes, even authentic lolita apparel are unable to aid Fauxloli in their transformation to Lolita as they are hindered by poor physical form.
Diet: Lolita wannabe fashion.
Habits: Despite their apparent failures, they still retain the snobbishness of Lolita. Despite the rest of mankind looking upon them as used teabags, they treat others as dirt too. Through sheer numbers on occasion, they take down a pure Lolita. By force. Generally in a one on one situation, the Fauxloli is devoured by the Lolita.
Sub Species: Gundumb
Habitat: Worldwide
Biological Niche: Almost as despised as Narutard, Gundumbs are divided into two vastly different types - the Alternate Era (AE) and the Universal Century (UC). Both loathe the other.
Population: Sudden explosion after the release of Gundam Seed. There are many female AEs but no female UCs. UC population has been steadily declining over the years.
Morphological Features: AEs are generally similar in form to FYGs and Narutards. UCs are usually old men or stubborn nerds.
Diet: Polystyrene and ABS.
Habits: Both have similar habits of buying large quantities of processed plastic but differ vastly in their choice of machine. AEs prefer the "Freedom", a totally unrealistic porcupine of laser cannons. UCs love the "Zaku", a machine which represents themselves…. one eyed and gaudy. The two variants also differ in their battle cries, AE screaming "KIRA-SAMA!! ATHRUN-SAMA!!" while UCs prefer a more stoic "SIEG ZEON!!"
Ok that doesn’t cover all the otaku subspecies.. such is the variety and vastness of the otaku world! But which type are you? If not inside any of these, do come up with your own.
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57 Responses to “A Study on the Various Subspecies of Otaku”
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hmmm interesting look in of the otaku species…… you could actually write a paper about it…..
but i don’t see myself in any of them , i’m more of a causal watcher who watches animes and slowly eliminate the animes one by one… and also i belong to the subspecies of the music anime otaku, who sometimes hunt down anime for their good soundtrack
Interesting look into the otakuland..How did your trip go? Encounter any hostile FYG’s? Impregnate any lolita’s?
ASSRAPE!
oh yar….. to add some more….. i discovered a subspecies called the ” colour-o-phile” this subspecies watches anime based on the color of the anime char hair……..
haha the part about FYGs and narutards made me laugh hard..
But, the thing about GL(gothic lolita), is that some are out to 1-up each other…a senior of mine used the phrase “sub-culture eyebleedage” to describe her feelings towards the so called “poser-GLs”/faux lolitas, or whatever they are called. Quite scary, because whenever she spoke about the topic, she seemed to become another person ^_^”.
Also, you seem to have missed out a large group too: Seiyuu fans. E.g. tsubaki, dark(space)mirage, etc… People who buy drama CDs/lousy excuses for music. , rip character radios(anime-related usually) off the internet with Creative Media Source, etc etc….
As for trolls, perhaps this podcast would shed more light on their true motivations.
http://www.mrbrownshow.com/?p=147
They shit and eat(shit)…..:(
eh, somehow it seems the comment got eaten or something….-_-
About the seiyuu fans(one myself), they would go beyond normal-audiophile lengths to listen to the voice of the seiyuu…
e.g. http://www.darkmirage.com/2007/01/02/the-perfect-cd-for-your-masochistic-self/
I loved the Gundumb. The Bleachbitch vs Narutards was so true, too. XD
How about non-fat yaoi fangirls? I always feel so left out.
(And hey, I’m a female UC Gundumb! Well, I used to be. I exist!)
Sieg fuckin’ Zeon.
What about those who like shounen, and mecha, and (sometimes) romance, and (rarely) drama animes….and their BGMS and music?
I’m not exactly a closet nerd coz I share my love of anime with others who dont know about animes….but neither am I hardcore like the one’s listed above.
LOL I guess I’m a closet cause I don’t think I really fit into anywhere else E_E
Seems like I fit into the closetnerd & moeOtaku, a bleeding existence between both *cough*
It’s pretty funny that my “out-of-the-house” character is closet nerd in black outfit with earphones & “in-the-house” is moeOtaku’s typical room respectively (if you substract the Luis Royo wallscrolls).
@ exalt dragon - Lol, I ordered that cd already.
@Tj Han - Nice documentation. But how about the ones who do doujinshi and the pose obsessed? http://kajipon.sakura.ne.jp/jojo.htm
I’m a (future) Mangaka, Pose maniac and a little bit of a moeOtaku.
@JS: When you are a seiyuu fan, one of the things you do is search youtube for videos showing the seiyuu. You listen and maybe even rip to the internet radios the seiyuu speaks in, and buy the seiyuu’s voice, drama, song CDs…Or did you merely get the CD because darkmirage advertised it? I found it rather…hype-ish…I don’t know how good it’ll be to listen to after some time passes…
LOL at the faux-scientific analysis of the subspecies of “otaku”. Perhaps it would be best to call them “class” instead.
Can’t be picky about your word choices, though. ^^;
@exaltdragon - The CD just happened to catch my (masochistic) interest, but I also ordered another CD on CDJapan along the way. I’m a Tanaka Rie fan. =D
That picture with the moetaku caressing their pillows is hilarious. My apartment is moetaku, I guess, since I have figures out in the living room and a couple of CLAMP prints framed on the wall. Out and about, I’m probably like most, a closet otaku, you know wears normal clothes, though my laptop bag does have some Mai-Hime pins on it, but it’s rare I’m carrying my laptop to something non-geeky anyway. I have some Fruits Basket plushies on my desk at work, so maybe I’m not a closet otaku at all.
darn you got me laughing so hard i cried xD
i’m definitely one of those closetnerds
the descriptions just fits too perfectly lol
soo…..where do i find a true and legal lolita ^_^ ?
I belong to the proto-otaku. Lacking the necessary inherent or environmental factors needed to evolve into a mature otaku, this embryonic form is known to dabble in various areas until conditions are right for metamorphosis.
Now that I look closely at it, tj_han, isn’t the the first moeotaku pictue some kind of ghost picture?…you know, showing off the mysterious hand in the background??
I don’t think I could categorize myself into any of the above “sub-species.” I’m not totally sure how I would classify myself.
Like a few above, I don’t see myself in either as well… closest: moeOtaku, I guess?
Sieg Ziion.
OH SHI-
Closet Nerd best describes me.
So what happened to the “Mature, old fart” category?
I don’t fit into any of those categories simply because my tastes/interests have evolved over time to be more picky and subjective in what I choose to “imbibe” in.
Also I think you need to add to the Narutard and FYF category a certain sence of superiority and cliqueyness; because I seem to see this a lot in the vast groups of people who fit these two categories
Closet. By the way, do you know members of all the subspecies mentioned personally? I’ve never met a troll before. lol.
i soooo fit into closetnerd….nobody shares the same stuff as me at skool…lol
Why not OIDFARTAKU for us old over 50 nerds.
No more Danbooru? You might want to check out its ressurrection here: http://www.sagubooru.com/
LOL one of the bestest entry to date
lol. just a question though: if i like yaoi does that automatically qualify me as an fyg?
lol funny stuff.
Then again, I cannot be described in any of the categories. Closest would be Closet Nerd, though.
I am a PIME TARADOX!
Actually… i don’t fit into any of those. At school I don’t act TOO nerdy I suppose but I am in anime clubs and I’m not fashionable (T-shirt ad shorts are fine), Naruto is gay, I’m not a big fan of yaoi and I don’t like mecha. Also I can’t be moeOtaku coz I’m a girl.
Hmmm…I’m a reject? : (
fishy: no ya not…this is just a joking categorisation….
best pic of LianYL ever.
I fit into a new breed called….. “TSUBAKI”.
Aye. I’m closet otaku. I prefer to be refered as an anime fan or an appreciater of animes.
The closest for me would be closet nerd, but I do fit in with social gatherings. I can go out, have fun and stuff, but I’m in no way ashamed to be a nerd. It’s great happy medium
OH SHI~!
YOU SIR HAVE WON A FREE INTERNET FOR YOUR STUDY! XDDD
i think i’m categorized under the moeOtaku species XD
it’s so true on the Narutard vs. Bleachbitch and Lolita vs. Fauxlolita XDD
this is just the tip of the otaku iceberg, let’s further explore the otakuniverse
Hm…I think you should include another otaku species called the copycat otakus these type of otakus try to mimic other otakus and pretend to be that kind of otaku…Btw i dunno about narutads but i sure see a hell lot of bleachtards walking here and there saying BANKAI Tensa Zangetsu they are freaking retards dun you think? They have already gone beyond a geek already coz you cant expect those clowns to suddenly have a sword right? Bleachtards are the worst types if they keep saying bankai for no reason.
Oh and just to add on…I have no problem with bleach cosplayers and its also absolutely ok for them to say bankai. I just dun like idiots who say bankai when the occasion calls for something more appropriate and not some seemingly foreign word which sounds dam irritating and stupid to people who dunno wat bleach is
If you dont randomly say Bankai, does that mean you aint a Bleachbitch?? … in the streets I’m a closetnerd … but I just watch whatever looks pertty, super kick ass or that has many many hot guys
Hilarious and extremely true - though, as pointed out in this comment thread, there are others…
However,
“Excess protein is dispensed via a unique pumping motion.”
That was unnecessary. I have to go vomit now. |-X
U should have added in the various types of animes like shounen and shoujou, fighting and raburabu types.
I think I belong to the Moe type plus narutard with the fact that I used to hang a Konoha headprotector on my bag during my sec school days
Hmm maybe a study on Singapore should be done
closetnerd moe n mecha
Proto Otaku are divided into two groups. Some are born tasteless, but develop more discriminating feeding habits as they grow and explore their environment. I, for example, find a wide variety of genres palatable, with the notable condition that the anime include fewer than sixty thirty-minute servings. It has been clinically proven that Naruto induces vomiting in this researcher.
Other Proto Otaku limit themselves to specific genres, although in almost all cases this diet can be induced to expand through administering of specific gateway anime to weak spots.
The extent and speed of transformation is not yet adequately understood; most studies in this region have not published their findings. Currently, I and a colleague are conducting an experiment to increase the tolerance of a 50 year old British man using a transitional diet with the intent of enabling a neutral or positive reaction to Rozen Maiden. The first phase, Cowboy Bebop, has concluded successfully, and preliminary forays into Samurai Champloo and wildcard Cromartie High School are promising.
“Due to their high maintenance, Lolitas are generally snobby and catty females who look upon the rest of mankind as teabags. Used ones.”
Yepp, very true. I didn’t know it is that way worldwide. Lolitas are very elitist. And I’m one of them.
My younger brother Garma, who we all knew and loved, has died. WHY?!
Great stuff. I’m also a fan of “Quattro, he is A CHAR!” UC for the win, guys.
Ya im a closet nerd, i love anime and spend all my free time watching it, but i have no nerdy friends and i think holister is the best store out there. (even though this year was my first Anime Con, it made me wish i had an otaku friend to talk with)
Ooh~ I’m dispersed between a few XD I’m sort of an FYG…but I’m skinny… I guess I’ll be a Lolita, FTG, Narutard.
Hilarious breakdown of otakus.
Nice range there.. most amusing… I don’t think i fit into any of those though.
@Bridge Bunny
Heh, well written although this just the peak of the iceberg. I could well identify myself in the closet-nerd/ninjaotaku-group
i only watch old anime that remind me of my childhood memories.
coz i did not find new anime interesting enough (except for some comedies like crayon shinchan, azumanga or school rumble).
so, in which species do i fit?
or should i declare a new breed subspecies called childhood-memories-anime-lover?
i’m half Gundumb(UC) and half Closetnerd