Evolution of Animebloggings has Spawned Subspecies.

I once wrote a post about the subspcies of otaku which exist. I shall add onto that piece with a close up look into one of type of Otaku, known as the Animeblogger.

This is a term which can both sound positive and derogatory. One who is referred to as an "animeblogger" is commonly known to be an esteemed and powerful figure in the anime community, capable of wise insights. However, the same word also means that you’re a fucking otaku scum who just needs to show off his dirty otaku knowledge, so as to feel less insecure about your niche and sissy hobbies. This is why I wince at times when people refer to this site as an anime blog, because it really isn’t. This is a blog about Science and how Japanese soft culture has infiltrated mainstream manly society.

With the long history (wow, more than 4 years in the Internet age, is it older than Facebook??) of anime blogging, enough time has elapsed for the forces of evolution to force every animeblogger onto a few paths of speciation. Now, we shall discuss the existing subspecies.

Note that all characters are fictional and are not representative of any real-life persons or events. Even if they have the same name and same URL.

The Docile Grazer
"I just watched this new episode of anime and I really must talk about it and share my views with lots of pictures!"

Docile grazers make up most of the animebloggers. They are peace-loving, minding their own business most of the time. DGs sometimes form herds. But these are really boring people who just watch anime like chewing grass, digest it in their rumen, and then excrete out a summary and thoughts section, with the monotony of a goat. They fear bad comments and will actively avoid them by either skipping touchy issues or just deleting them. The biggest cow is Random Curiosity, that’s a fat one!

Impz of [THAT] is a cow!

The Sniper
"This XXX animeblogger made a silly point about Haruhi. I must laugh at him but lock comments so people can’t fight back."

Hiding in the dark shadows of the Internet, the Sniper launches attacks on other animebloggers, particularly when they say something he disagrees or finds stupid. The sniper locks up the comments form on his page to protect himself, much like how real-life snipers are unseen. Sometimes, snipers are good because they candidly say what is wrong with certain posts other make. Frank opinion is sometimes at a premium because most people have vested interests and do not wish to offend others by pointing out mistakes. But snipers are often ridiculed for their perceived hypocrisy and cowardice, due to their unilateral attacks.

Aninouto is a sniper.

The Troll
"I have absolutely no talent at writing original pieces so I need to flame others, even if I make no bloody sense. All comments to me are good even if they insult my mother."

Ah, the scum of the Internet. These are the attention seekers who desperately want others to recognise their existence. They live jealous of others’ success and wonder why they do not have the same level of greatness, not realising that it is because they either a) suck or b) are idiots. They cannot think of any original material, all they post are angsty and illogical rants about how life is unfair or others sucking and being hypocritical. Take for instance Drm’s latest rant on how Darkmirage is a loser, or Wildarmsheero’s rant on why Darkmirage is a loser. It is not known for sure if trolls actually realise they are being stupid or are doing it intentionally to piss others off. YOUR MAMA’S SO STUPID SHE FAILED HER BLOOD TEST! Trolls sometimes prepare an exit device by saying "Oh, I’m just joking/trolling." in a lame attempt to recover credibility in showing others he actually calculated his actions like Lelouch from Code Geass.

Trolls are just cheap copies which try to create a ruckus. DrmChrso is a troll.

The Authority
"I am always right and I need to tell the world they are wrong because I am always right. The world needs to be corrected! Nyoron is bad!"

These future teachers harbour a strong need to change the world (in this case, the tiny loserific otaku community), because they see others as being inferior. Which is mostly true, because most people are inferior to us GOD ALMIGHTY ANIME BLOGGERS (MEN WHO WATCH JAPANESE CARTOONS AND TALK ABOUT THEM TO THE WORLD). The tone most Authority bloggers use are top-down, strong and assertive. They mostly post educational (educate masses to be like them) articles, and project the image of themselves being superior Otaku. Many weaker-willed individuals fall for their charms and follow their flag in battle, when trolls come invading (Wildarmsheero). Authority bloggers have thus the biggest pool of hardcore fans who rush up to their in real life and lick their nerdy feet.

All hail the mustache-man, [DarkMirage] and his legion of fanboys who intentionally touch him at game arcades and say, "Oops, it was an accidental. Are you really Darkmirage, the one who exposed the evil Nyoron and wickey Doremi?"

The Jellyfish
"I talk about everything and anything which piques my fancy in an ‘editorial’, but this is just an excuse for not planning and doing research for posts."
JP Meyer, Kurogane
You can think about them as the jellyfish of the animeblogging fraternity. They drift about with no particular aim, blogging about what they see, the latest hoohah in the scene and other random stuff. These are mostly harmless bloggers as long as you don’t touch them in an aggressive way.

The Worm
"I shall talk about only local stuff, even though my posts appear on international feeds. Because I can see only the world which I live in!"

The Worm anime blogger talks about stuff which happen to him and close to him, sometimes in language only he and his mates understand. People who unwittingly stumble into his wormhole will be disappointed to see that instead of getting content applicable to them, they are forced to read about the latest news in a country (40 x 20 km in size) 10000 km away.

I really liked Monster Rancher the PS game. [Bj0rn] is the worm.

The Loyalist

I hesitate to put the Wildarmsheero guy as a Troll, because he is like a swiss army knife with the troll function. He’s probably more a loyalist, which is the type of blogger who insists that anime is on a downward spiral to hell because no more Mobile Suit Gundam (the proper one), Yamato, some other random old show etc are being made. He flames everyone who thinks the new shows are any good, because they are "noobs who haven’t watched the REAL SHOWS". He bangs on about how the old shows are the ultimate in entertainment and he would rather watch the same old shows for all eternity. So, by all means, please do. GUNDAM SUCKS!

Wildarmsheero is a kid who pretends to be really old and thus an orthodox fan. But he really loves Gundam Wing. This is like someone writing "I like alternative rock" in his facebook and then attending Britney Spears concerts.

The Newscaster
"Extra! Extra! Read all about it here! Which I stole from other sources of course and take credit for!"

They do nothing but post random news they come across. Of course, these news are the results of their websurfing of other websites. Harmless coagulators of esoteric news. Alafista and Ikimashou come to mind.

The Fetishist
"I love younger sisters and so shall talk only about younger sisters. Everyone, come hear me talk about younger sisters!"

Fetishists are dangerous beings which are threatening to propagate vile thoughts into our pure minds. They blog about a specific niche of interest they have and serves as a powerful magnet for like-minded readers to come together, where the combination forms a huge mass of pure deviancy. One day, a mainstream news agency will stumble upon this mass and publish it to the world with the headline "JAPANESE CARTOONS PROMOTE SEX WITH 2 YEAR OLD MONKEYS!"

To us, this is a regular anime girl. To a fetishist like Stripey, this MAY be a potential wife. But has gone past her expiry date, too old!!

There are probably more, but these are enough. For now. Decide which one of the subspecies are you NOW. I don’t belong in any cos I’m not an animeblogger, thankfully.

37 Responses to “Evolution of Animebloggings has Spawned Subspecies.”

  • Haha, erm, ^^… now animebloggers are a species of their own…

    How about those who blog about other things and occasionally touch on anime? xD

  • Can I be a bit of all of them? It’s hard to decide. I mean, I love cows so I see nothing wrong with being a docile grazer. I love snipers, I see nothing wrong with being a sniper (Go watch Shooter. Mark Wahlberg pwns, his frickin’ .50 cal pwns.) I’m not really fond of trolls, but I do, occasionally, come as sounding like a total retard. I’m not much of an authority on anything besides the ETO and selected anime shows. I also like jellyfish, at least they taste good that is. Worms freak me out in general. I’m loyal to like, two shows, Bebop and GL. And gundam is cool, Wing was a kickass series. (And yes, you may stone me to death now.) News? What news? Fetish? Like Rental Magica fetish? XD

    I have no idea what am, feel free to brand me whatever you please. And, do hate this Wildarmsheero guy, or is it just me?

  • I’d like to say I was a jellyfish, but that requires too much work.

  • I started out as a cow… evolved to a hybrid jellyfish newscaster, but will forever remain as a rabbit :p

  • Can’t I be a garnisher? or barkeep? A sort of newscaster who aggregates related articles mixes them up and adds a few tidbits and passes it off as something shiny and new. A juice is still a juice till you a add a mini-umbrella and some fresh fruit, then it becomes a cocktail!

  • Sadly siscon doesn’t seem to in nowadays (DCII’s pseudo-siscon don’t count) and my drooling on the subject matter has to reduced to dribbles….

    Thank Haruhi there’s still the gothloli XD

  • I am a half-grazing jellyfish fetishist with trolling qualities arising every six months.

    Being a worm really sounds interesting but I doubt there would be anyone wanting to read a Luxembourgish anime blog x_x


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